As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
