His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My dick has a subreddit
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
