you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have aggressive nipples.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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