why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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