can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
