Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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