Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
