i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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