We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
