eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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