How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize