her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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