I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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