the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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