i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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