I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize