Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
