I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
