your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
