The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't put those talents on a resume
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
