he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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