It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize