Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
