WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
