We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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