the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
