Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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