remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
In America we eat man semen.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
