I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
