I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
