Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
