White coat. Heels.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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