How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
