I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
