i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
