i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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