I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
