Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
