Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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