@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
