i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
