Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
