I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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