Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
