I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
