dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
