Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
