You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she peed on how many people?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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