I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
