I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
