wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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