be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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