Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
