I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
