one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
