I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
