I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
