spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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