I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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