i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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