Nicole vs. Life
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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