i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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