There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
