look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
