drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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