the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
