Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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