I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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