my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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