remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
