Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
