i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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