my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
