I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
