I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
