Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
