fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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