You just made me feel so damn special
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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