uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize