Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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