yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
