She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
