You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Randomize
