Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
