fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
