Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
