It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
