bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
