I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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