I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
