last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
