That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
