"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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