if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
